Welcome to Janice Ervin

Command of Self Facilitates Consciousness for ‘Being’
by Janice Ervin

I listened to a presentation on ‘Emotional Vampires’ recently, given by a well known psychologist. The purpose of the lecture was to provide a solution for the compassionate caring individual who finds himself drained of energy, when listening to a less-than-positive friend. The theory is that the upset friend attaches to and saps the emotion from the compassionate heart of the listener, leaving that empathetic party feeling exhausted, weak and powerless (hence the term ‘emotional vampire’.) Sound familiar?

The psychologist suggestion is for the kindly victim to inform the ‘vampire’ of the effect their diatribe is having. With empathy, they are to firmly explain that they will be available to discuss ONLY solutions from that point on, as hearing the same vocalized complaints again and again is unhealthy to their person. The psychologist also shared that such an action by the listener would have to be reiterated again and again. Apparently, ‘emotional vampires’ operate in a behavioral pattern, and fully enjoy the positive results achieved by procuring the aid of a listener.

While this sounds like a fantastic, logical solution on the surface; it’s not enough. Why?

In the above case, what is truly being created is a struggle for power. The unhappy party seizes the power initially from the sympathetic party as their personal power is low, and the sympathetic party is being instructed as to how to reclaim their personal power. Yet…haven’t we all been in a position where our power was low at some point? Haven’t we all needed a caring friend to lean on – a safe place to fall? What is compassionate about the solutions offered above? When the solution to any difficult human interaction does not take into account the connective link found between all of us, it is sorely missing a key factor.

In addition, are we not in a world with incalculable situations which sap our energy and leave us feeling weak and powerless? Can any human command wars to cease, interest rates to lower or pain to halt? What does anyone hear if they turn on the TV, or skim the front page of a national paper? We are in truth, bombarded with a plethora of ‘vampire’-like situations at every turn. We certainly can’t apply the same solution offered by the psychologist to all such instances. In fact, when it boils down to matters of control in our lives, OVER WHAT EXACTLY, DO WE HOLD DOMINION?

And finally, the answer offered to the weakened listener, places unnecessary additional focus on the already over inflated ego center. It causes both parties to think in terms of ‘I’ or ‘Me’ and further identify the totality of who they are through the illusion of these ego states.

Focus might instead be more advantageously applied, towards attempting to uncover the greater depths of this human experience. This in turn might reduce the import of the situation at hand and even splinter limited perceptions by connecting humans to possible greater realities.

Where to begin? Consider the expression, ‘It takes two to tango’. This implies that there must be two parties to create an interaction. There is no guarantee that any singular individual can control the actions of an ‘emotional vampire’ or the workings of the universe. However, individuals CAN maintain dominion over their personal behavior.

One aspect always within our power is our free will choice pertaining to our level of allowance – in other words, we CHOOSE whether we allow an event to affect our emotions. You see, true power resides within each of us; no one can make another react or feel a certain way, without having given permission, albeit often unconsciously. So, the responsibility rests squarely on our shoulders to develop a finely tuned sensitivity for ALL non harmonious energy that enters into our lives.

A second aspect ALWAYS within our power, is our free will choice to achieve a heightened awareness.

So we begin by making the decision to set a mental ‘alarm’ to ring each time we feel not in control of our emotions. It won’t take long before we become sensitive to the amazing number of times each day, when we allow unworthy external circumstances to ‘press our buttons’ and pull us off balance.

Once awareness has been enhanced, the next step is to learn to emotionally pause and step back from these ‘alarm’ situations. Doing so offers the opportunity, however briefly, to disconnect from the personal ego self that always focuses on ‘I’. At the same time, on a deeper level, it cracks the door to allow for the understanding that the essence actually stepping back is a separate facet to the totality known as YOU. In other words, when something occurs that causes you to feel angry, take that opportunity to make a conscious choice. Pause and remove yourself emotionally. You will become aware of the ‘you’ who is getting angry, and at the same time, be able to tap into the part of ‘you’ who is observing the incident.

Through experience, you’ll become more deeply aligned with the idea that there is more than one level to our multidimensionality from which we can receive information and dissect it. No longer a reactive individual, you’ll find it easier to float above stormy energetic waves. Centered, you will be afforded the opportunity to hold dominion over all emotionally taxing situations. Your energy will not be easily sapped and ‘vampires’ will have no choice but to remain outside your personal space. Calm and controlled, you’ll recognize that you are no longer a victim operating from within a messy fragile ego control center, subject to its shallow concerns and pettiness. And best yet, you’ll be able to listen when another so desperately needs to confide, without their pain climbing inside of you.

You will instead reach higher and connect with something much greater…an essence found within the space of your breath. Something that lets you know the immediate situation is transient and will one day be only a memory. Your personal sense of import alters when compared against the larger scope of BEING.