| True Self Love is Beyond Ego by Janice Ervin The kitchen, with its’ melding of scents, great food and conversation, is often a favorite gathering place. Seems like there’s something about the feeling of the room that coaxes folks to relax, unwind and open up. This past Memorial Day I was fortunate to spend a few precious hours with a long distance friend, while slicing a lemon meringue pie for the intimate group of friends relaxing in the garden. We bounced along topics, until we came to the question, “How does one stop oneself from feeling stressful concerns of inadequacy when in a competitive sports atmosphere?” In other words, there you are, excited to play a game, supported by your fellow teammates, with a long history of fun filled excellent sportsmanship achievements to your credit. Yet there is this facet to all humans that creates doubt and has the ability to sabotage the mind set. Since that short conversation, I’ve skimmed the edges of this topic in my mind, recalling past experiences which relate to the same core difficulty. For instance, I’ve enjoyed dancing for as long as I can remember, yet numerous times I’ve heard fellow lovers of dance express feelings of inadequacy when it comes to stepping out on the floor. In fact, during the most recent showing of the prime time program, ‘Medium’, a woman discussed taking tango lessons and when a man suggested she visit a dance club he was familiar with, she shyly responded, ‘Oh, I don’t think so…I’m not ready for that yet.’ We have all experienced moments of self-doubt at some time in our life. We compare our physicality’s, our strengths, our artistic abilities, our monetary situations, our valuables, our business prowess and even the condition of the grass in our front yards against those of another person. We cringe at the idea of being placed in a position where we might be weighed, measured and found wanting according to a standard set by someone else. In fact, many studies list public speaking as one of the greatest human fears, for it places an individual out in front, with all those knowing, judging eyes quietly taking stock. Why is it that we are we not at peace and comfortable with whom we are? And why is it necessary to measure our achievements against an exterior value? Because the ego is consistent in its desire to be perceived as ‘top dog’, one might say that a positive feature to the act of comparing is its ability to push an individual beyond their current limits. It stimulates a drive for enhanced knowledge and accomplishment. Yet in truth, it makes little sense. Raised under diverse circumstances and because our lives are in a continuous state of building upon experiences, even our perception of similar experiences will vary. Now when an individual is participating as a team member, there is the understanding that each player brings a unique aspect to the group toward a united goal, which for any sport, is to win. Therefore, team members feel a pressure to be their best. Could there be an element of this pressure which actually relates to the individual’s concern over whether the team members will find them a worthy colleague? With these musings, I thought of all the self help books, how to books, and philosophical books which enable individuals to gain a greater handle on this wide spread topic, ‘self love’. These books discuss the power of thought and positive affirmation. This subject is relevant for talk shows as well. One psychologist recommends standing naked in front of the mirror each day, and reaffirming to the mirrored image that they are beautiful, and worthy of love. Other suggestions include talking openly about the reasons you might suffer from bouts of low self esteem, delving into past experiences and adopting methods to forgive yourself and others. In sum, the general concept appears to be to shatter the less affirming programmed habits then rebuild an optimistic, encouraging viewpoint in its stead. While all of these concepts are excellent, is it possible a relevant aspect is missing? Thus far, suggestions such as mentioned above facilitate a heightened awareness for our conscious and even our subconscious thought process. In fact, to some degree, they highlight our thoughts, patterns, and triggers, as the core focus point for consideration, should we wish to create changes in our lives. So, if someone is upset because of an overweight concern, the idea is to find out what triggers their eating. If someone finds themselves feeling insecure in a social gathering, or while playing a sport, the idea is to determine what the trigger is that makes them feel less than assured, then reprogram that thought process to one that best serves their life in a positive manner. However, while we are formed of a physical, mental emotional body, we are likewise gifted with an ethereal body. This light body is the subtle essence – the quiet awareness which exist between the incessant ticker tape of thoughts playing through our minds daily. And while intangible, this component – the nucleus of YOU - is as real as faith, hope or love. Its role is to connect with others, manifest itself on this physical plane through your thoughts, and actions, and experience all this physical existence has to offer through eyes of compassion and non-judgment. Additional areas for consideration would be to keep in mind that time is priceless and fleeting. Lifetimes pass way too quickly - we exist within physical bodies which are not designed to exist forever. So, instead of focusing on and identifying our wholeness solely with our human body, emotions and thoughts, what if we step back and identify our existence from an illuminated vantage point? Maybe by keeping the larger picture out in front, we will experience a shift in awareness which will affect many areas of our life, to include the questions surrounding ‘self-love’. For how can you entertain the idea of comparing yourself against another, when all beings are made up of an ethereal body rooted in compassion and non-judgment? Wouldn’t it be better if all desire for enhanced knowledge were kindled by a purely enthusiastic interest? And with an understanding that you are a living means to allow spirit to manifest on this plane, how can you not immerse yourself in each experience for its unparalleled moment which simply IS?
|
Open Mind Colloquims
PO Box #0817
Bowie, MD 20817
Join Janice as a colleague
on Facebook
Follow Janice on Twitter
Connect with Janice
on 'Linked In'
Read 'Musings by Janice' on
her Blog Page
Policies
Design & Developed by Via Designs.